"We need to talk"
I know, you have probably grown to be repulsed by those anxiety creating words, but this is different. Take a deep breath, relax and enjoy the blessing as it unfoldings! Let me tell you a little about you! *smile*
- You are personally responsible for supporting me in creating a new life and a new level of personal freedom.
- You have taught me a new levels of love, friendship, and Divine partnership.
- Because of you I love my father more, and forgive them more fully, both of them.
- You have stimulated me to grow in ways I didn't know were possible for myself.
- You have supported me in understanding my teenage daughter and the "moods" and sensitivity of a Cancer Moon- the side effect was a deeper healing for us.
- You have reminded me to tread softly on sacred ground.
- You have taught me a deeper humility.
- You have re-enforced the power of TRUTH in my life and relationships.
- You've single handedly made it possible for me to feel vulnerable and safe at the same time, getting soul naked.
- You have made it possible for me to remove pathological hooks that have kept me drowning in a sea of fears, worry and doubts about my worthiness- that were choking my life's potential out of me!
- It was your I AM presence has pulled me out of the death grip of addiction to power and the need to control that was suffocating my life and relationships.
I blame you!
And you know what, there are more then a few things I blame you for too! I blame YOU for...
- The brand NEW experience of loving myself even when I don't feel I'm doing it "right" or perfect, or didn't know the answers.
- The understanding that I don't have to DO anything to be loved, it's enough to just BE my marvelous self.
- My ability to see the value, beauty, and worth of a strong black man with a good heart- you've restored my hope!
- My improved ability to practice compassion for the imperfections of others, while still lovingly holding a space for their own journey to self love.
- Absolutely shattering paradigms, and old brainwashed patterns of beliefs that no longer serve me or my life's purpose.
- For the song in my heart and the shackles and chains being removed from my heart, mind, and Spirit.
- Giving me permission to look stupid, be wrong, and feel crazy and still know I AM loved, loveable and loving.
- My conscience trading in being a "good girl" to being the best ME I can be.
- Cracking the code to the safe around my heart. Your understanding, patience and long suffering infiltrated the walls of the prison I'd built around my emotions- and then you proceeded to make them topple like the walls of Jericho- talk about a devastation- thank you!
- For tricking me into believe I was here to teach you anything!
- Taking me out of lust driven power and introducing me to a deeper look into my own soul.
- For inspiring the deepest parts of me to express creatively with sentiments like this one:
"He reflected me so perfectly, I managed to love parts of myself previously I'd been afraid and unable to see. His Majesty perfected my own, and I suddenly re-membered to honor more fully the Queen in me. Namaste beloved, I bow to thee. "- even in your brief absence.
- And finally... awakening a sleeping giant and deeper power, way more then anything physical!
But what's even worst! You made me love you, value you, and respect you all against my will, what a cruel trick (sarcasm)! Your personal boundaries also kept me feeling safe with you. And since you've always blessed me with the ability to confess safely, here's the biggest one yet: it's not me who saved you- it is WE that saved each other- thank YOU for saving me from myself! I couldn't have broken the agreement with the demons of my past by without you, in fact I'd pretty much given up; my strategy had become just do more good and try to balance my Karma. Beloved, I AM better for knowing you, the world is better for having you! Today, I AM breathing easier, I can finally relax! My skin even feels so much more comfortable to be in.*tears of joy*
Thank you for being my Divine intervention and inspiration.
I can only ever repay you by paying the blessings of your love forward because I'm forever in your debt. Thank you for not accepting less then what you knew I was capable of. Thank you for never giving up on me, or yourself! Thank you for being willing to risk my intense wrath to tell me the truth about myself, I really, really needed that! Thank you for staying and fighting for me and for us. Thank you for teaching me that there is a much deeper, wider and greater love then a romantic love. Thank you for standing your ground, thank you for your righteous anger. Thank you for the countless hours of time and energy you have invested in me, but most of all thank you for being YOU, because you reflect my divinity so perfectly. You will forever reside in my heart like no mortal man has ever before. I bow to the GOD in you love, Namaste.
Love always and forever, Estelle
P.S. I confess, I fought this tooth and nail the entire time!